By Nick Carroll

Once upon a time, going to a Phillies game used to mean taking in a baseball game. However, these aren’t the Phillies I grew up with. The Phils have become a juggernaut over the past few seasons and the city of Philadelphia has taken notice. Citizens Bank Park has become a hangout. Going to the game is more than just enjoying the sport, it’s being at the place to be. It’s cool. As nice as it is to have a packed house every night, many of those seats are being filled by casual fans who never would have stepped foot in the Vet.

After taking in several games so far this season and taking witness to some of these horrible offenses, I’ve put together a list of the worst jumbo tron, speaker pumping-inspired acts that people are committing on a nightly basis.

This Ain’t LA

Philly fans are some of the best in the country. They’re more passionate and knowledgeable than any other fan base. However, the Phils’ great success has brought in the bandwagon. Unfortunately, these bandwagon types believe in ideas such as “beating the traffic.”  As long as they can get to the park, have a few beers and get their Crab Fries they’ll be happy.

If you need help spotting these people, just take notice in the later innings when Doc’s dealing and the Phils have a win locked up. If you can’t appreciate Halladay dominating and would rather get home to get some sleep, you just don’t like baseball. Sadly, this is the case for way too many “fans” at CBP over the past few seasons.

Can You Hear Me Now!?

You’re at a baseball game, isn’t that entertainment enough? Not for some. Sadly, in today’s hyperactive society that constantly needs to be entertained, baseball’s pace is too slow for some people. I won’t hold it against you if you don’t like the game, but why are you there? Someone who actually gives a shit would really appreciate that seat. I understand sending a quick text (unless an in-stadium meeting is being discussed, no calls are acceptable), but some people get far too carried away with their “phones.” Maybe I’m jealous, but I really hate what the iPhone and Blackberries are doing to us. Bah.

Thunderstruck

Okay, this doesn’t apply to the ballpark and has been mostly absent over the past few years, but thunder sticks may be the worst thing to ever happen to sports. Seriously, you’re at a game, if you want to make noise, open your mouth. This is Philadelphia, we’re more than capable of impacting games, we don’t need these stupid balloons. Thank god for the white/black/orange/insert color here-outs for giving stadium crowds a new trend to follow.

Down in Front

This is just a matter of courtesy. If you have to go to the bathroom or want to grab a bite to eat, that’s cool. However, let’s think about the people around you. Leaving or returning to your seat during a play is just rude. The FU Center (I’m done with name changes, this is the most memorable, and therefore permanent) security does a great job of keeping people from doing this. Although, at CBP, fans are still at risk of having some jackass block their view of a crucial pitch.

Last Call

The most defining characteristic of these bandwagon fans is their excessive drinking. Now, don’t get me wrong. I won’t hold it against anyone for enjoying a few drinks during the game. However, drinking to the point of vomiting on surrounding fans just isn’t cool. Unfortunately, this has been a recurring theme at CBP (check the Bark store for a t-shirt saying as much) and it ruins the experience for those who wish to, well, ya know, enjoy a ballgame.

Make Some Noise

This is not something the bandwagon fans have an issue with, they’re perfectly capable of front running; that said, there are still folks filling the seats and not making a sound. If you don’t want to take part in the game, just stay home, you’ll have a better view of the plate anyway. Whether you voice your displeasure with Ryan Howard chucking the ball into left field again and cheering his mammoth blast to make up for it, make your presence known, it really can help.

Stay Alert

Nothing matches the annoyance of the dope who goes on and on about trying to induce the double play when there are two outs. There are enough giant score boards to help keep count and the game isn’t that fast to lose track of. You paid out the ass to get in the ballpark, why not pay attention?

Cut the Music

The worst thing to happen to legitimate sports crowds is the jumbo tron. Instead of full attention going toward the actual game at hand, attention is divided by the flashing lights and congo cam and all the other nonsense that pops up on the big board. Unless you’re celebrating your team’s success, please sit down and quit trying to draw attention to yourself, you’re making yourself look like an idiot and drawing attention away from the actual game. As Bill Hicks once said, “Real men don’t dance; they sit, sweat and curse.” Sounds like one fine Philly crowd to me.

Show Your True Colors

Who’s the moron who thinks, “Hey I’m Irish/female, I want a green/pink Phils shirt.” In case you haven’t noticed, the Phillies wear red. No matter what color your shirt is, the team is no more Irish or feminine. Nothing screams bandwagon jumper like one of these train wrecks (including the Raauuuuuul shirts, those are pretty brutal too).

The Wave

I don’t have any witty/lame saying to introduce the wave. It’s the dumbest thing in sports. Just sit down, shut up and watch the damn game. Why are you yelling at people to get up for three seconds to watch this visual effect that should only entertain kids (even then a stretch). First of all, watch the game, not the crowd across the stadium. Second, to the guy who starts the wave, why do you care so much? Did you even come to the game to watch the action on the field? Leave me alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love rooting for a winning team. However, apart of me misses the days when I was surrounded by a stadium full of people who cared about one thing–the team on the field. Hopefully these newcomers will learn the game and adjust, but I’m far too cynical to believe that will be the case. Instead, I’ll just count my blessings that I am in a city with so many great fans that, for the most part, will never be overshadowed by the bandwagon.